I tried to walk around...

the pain but God made me go thru it. I never planned on any bad years. I didnt plan on going thru hell. I saw the road around the pain and took it. An avalanche of bolders fell before me. Big huge heavy bolders. They could not be moved and i had to climb over them, one by one. I could not believe how tall they were. It took so long. One by one i climbed over each bolder, to see a clear path once again, this is where i stand.......xx

Hell Hole! xx

My daughter recently told me that her sister referred to our home as a hell hole. I was very offended, as that was my family and home. But yet i have to be honest and say yes we were beat. Maybe i should have protected my children and got out sooner but i wanted them to have a father. I was a battered wife . The kids got spankings. That was decades ago. Times have changed and so has parenting. I remember when our oldest became a tween my husband said she is too big to spank any more. I learned to live with him by doing what he said. When he said sit down and shut up i did. It was survival. I gave my kids a great life filled with love and special birthdays. But i have to say im sorry now for the violence! xx

LOOKING BACK....

I dont care much for Holidays anymore. They use to be my whole life and i miss them. End of year holidays are the worst, as i tend to look back on my life. The last few years have been a living hell. Lots of pain and loss. But to look on the bright side.... a few good things did happen. My oldest bought me clothes. My son is speaking to his ex. My daughter got a new car... i get to drive around in. Hopefully this will be my year to shine. I miss my parents, especially my mom. I have to be my own good advice, my own cheerleader. I need to stretch their love for me forever......................its ok there is enough to go around! xx